Here comes the sun?

Under the Weather: Us and the Elements

                 Another fantastic prediction ...

Weather , weather all together what’s it gonna’ do?
We don’t know so let’s just ask weather man Emu!

– EBC 1, Emu’s Broadcasting Company (Children’s TV: Late 1970’s)

I’m not sure if it shouldn’t be weather Emu Emu, but I’m not going to complain. I’ve got other fish to fry. (Mmm, trout with fennel on a bed of … well I digress.)

As most of us have been basking in glorious weather recently I thought it’d be nice to dwell on our obsession with all things weathery.

Apparently down in Devon, they’re not just clotting cream and whacking jam on scones, they’re busy building the mother of all weather predicting machines. It’ll be 30 times more powerful than the present weather forecasting computers. (Does that mean 30 times more liable to get it all wrong?)

To people, who this kind of fact-thing impresses, it has one PetaFlop of performance.

What the hell is that?

Sounds to me more like something that a rapid rush to the Docs. for Viagra may cure rather than something to boast about.

It fills two halls about the size of two football pitches. So obviously NOT something you’re going to just tuck under the desk.
As well as that it uses 1.2 megawatts of power. WOW! That sounds like something from the sixties where it took the electrical output of a small town just to produce a bank statement.

This beast should be available for derision, mockery and insurance claims by August. I can already imagine the cries of parents with their distraught children, trying to console their charges because of ruined kids parties.

“The bloody ’30x’ better forecast said it would be lovely!”

Likewise, I find it hard to believe that I won’t find myself sat on a beach somewhere in my waterproofs, hiding behind a windbreak, because I was reliably informed it would be scorching that day.

I think we should just leave it to Emu.

Snow, snow, quick, quick snow!

The Wrong Kind of Snow

The Wrong Kind of Snow

Well you’ll probably have heard by now that the UK (i.e. London and the South East) has had the worse snowfalls for eighteen years.

What’s a modern First World industrialised, techno-savvy society to do?
Well the answer is simple, stay home.

Yep, that’s the answer. Other countries have far worse weather conditions to deal with. They get them all the time and for longer periods and do you hear them bleating and carrying on?

Terrorist threats are nothing compared to the damage a special kind of water can do to this country.

You’ll probably hear a lot of reasons why we failed to keep good ol’ blighty running in the next few days (they have a whole list of them, pre-prepared. About the only thing that ever is.)

‘Only make the journey if it’s absolutely essential’, you’ll be told. Funny that, but most people are not in the habit of getting their cars out and randomly driving around in them.

We usually have a pretty good reason for venturing out, e.g. work, feeding yourself and family, picketing an oil refinery / power station etc.

What will really annoy a large chunk of the UK population will be the coverage this sort of event will get.

Scotland is well use to this sort of weather and complains about it very rarely but you only have to have one snowflake land on central London and that’s it. It all goes a bit biblical. Blanket news coverage to compete with the blanket of snow.

At least the poor TV reporters and camera crew don’t have far to trudge to get their stories and show off their North Face jackets.

The way they go on you’d think that Londoners will be eating the dead by nightfall.

Ah well. Us Brits like to talk about the weather a lot. We just don’t like to experience it.

p.s. Apparently all of London headed for the underground to sing blitz songs after the first snowfall but they found it shut …