Cannonball Run

It’s been a little while since I slagged off, I mean talked about cricket,  so I thought what better time, as the season to bash extremely hard balls about is bowling off in earnest, than talk about the bloody sport.

I mean bloody in the kindest (you know me) sense of the word. I’m amazed that we don’t hear more stories about the carnage on the cricket ground. Forget murder on the dance floor.

Considering the fact that it consists  of whizzing a cannonball about and trying to score runs while someone throws those same cannonballs back at you, I mean at the stumps, to get you out, I would expect the body count to be higher than a Rambo film.

Rollerball? Ha! That’s like playing shove ha’penny with the grand kids compared to dodging one of those projectiles as some spotty young oik, out to prove himself, tries to flatten you with the village greens version of WMD’s.

I know that the few instances I’ve been persuaded, cajoled, press-ganged into playing cricket I’ve felt the need for more than just a box to give me some modicum of protection. More like full Kevlar body armour. And that’s when I’m fielding on the boundary.

Yep, there’s nothing like stretching out to try and catch a ball as it hurtles past you at sub-sonic speed, only for it to catch the tip of your fingers and damn near take your finger nails off. And what do you get for your kamikaze efforts? Looks of dismay from your team members and shakes of their heads.

So I tip my hat to those about to do battle for Queen and County and hope they’ve got their slot booked at A&E.

It certainly is a huge price to pay for cucumber sandwiches in the pavilion.

But really this post was just an excuse to show this cover from a new book by Simon Hughes which I think is marvelous.

A sneaky plug?

It’s just not cricket.

And God Created Cricket

And God Created Cricket (shame he didn`t use softer balls)

It’s NOT cricket. Hurrah!

I heard with some interest (always a revelation to me) about the Second Test between England and the West Indies in Antigua being abandoned.

The match, held at the ‘Sir Vivian Richards Stadium’ was curtailed because of a ‘poor outfield’ which means that basically the pitch has been built on a beach.

Personally I think this is a great idea. What better way to keep the kids amused than to let them use a little strip of the boundary to build sandcastles. During lunch they could have donkey rides and sunbathers could stretch out their towels and catch a few rays before the tedium of ball watching continues.

They could do a roaring trade in deckchair hire and windbreakers for the Brit supporters. Dad could roll his socks up and put a hankie on his head and proudly watch the kids going pink and blotchy while the missus gets out the flask and sandwiches. Sounds like halcyon days to me.

I imagine that the world famous player who gave the ground its name is not a happy bunny. But then he could always say it’s actually not a cricket pitch but a golf course.

It just has very large bunkers that’s all.

Porn Bowl

American sports fans had a good reason not to wander off for more popcorn and stay glued instead to the TV during a commercial break for the recent Super Bowl.

(As we non-sports fans know commercials are the most cherished moments of a sporting event.  Ah! The bliss of getting back to gross commercialism.)

The match was between the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Arizona Cardinals (yep, I haven’t got a clue either.)
Three minutes before the end of the game there was a break for a ‘message from our sponsors‘.

But instead of your usual advertising content viewers were treated to a graphic sex act performed by none other than Jenna Jameson from her Club Jenna cable TV channel.

Apparently the two feeds had been mixed up and the 30 second clip was transmitted to the sports fans of Tuscon, Arizona.

As one viewer, Cora King noted, “I just thought it was another commercial until I looked up. Then he did his little dance with everything hanging out.”

(I hope they meant on the clip, not the footballers. If not British football may still have a lot to learn.)

Well I think there’s nothing wrong with relieving the tension of a big match with a bit of relief.

Appropriately one of the Arizona Cardinals nicknames is ‘Big Red’ which seems kind of apt to me.

Nice to know sports fans can get a break from watching balls bouncing in the air by … well … you know …

Oh, if your mad keen to know, the Pittsburgh Steelers won but I doubt whether they felt quite as much joy as the guy in the clip.