Next Year’s Easter To Be Cancelled

"Who are you calling Fluffy?"

"Who are you calling Fluffy?"

The Archbishop of Canterbury has announced that this years Easter will be the last one to be celebrated. In a shock decision it has been decided to cancel the holiday.

The Archbish. put it in quite a succinct way by explaining, “You are all a bunch of pagans who only use this holiday period to nosh your faces off. So, metaphorically speaking, I’m picking up the religous ball and going home with it.”

He added, “The meaning of Easter has been truly been lost and you won’t find it in the bottom of a creme egg, however eco-friendly the packaging is.”

So how far as a society have we come from the true meaning of Easter?

I decided to test out the theory on a group of pre-teens hanging outside the local branch of ‘Bargain Booze’.

After standing them a couple of bottles of White Lightning, I asked the question, “What does Easter mean to you?”

“Well it’s a time for celebration, contemplation and decision making.”

So far, so good.

“We’re celebrating the fact that a numbnut such as you has just bought us some booze. We’re contemplating dobbing you in that wheelie-bin and taking your motor for a spin and we’re deciding where we’ll get our eggs from. Tescos or Sainsburys.”

Sounds pretty cut and dried to me.

In the wake of this revelation some thought has been given to what this time of the year could be called in future years.

Top of the leaderboard is “Feaster.”