Archives for February 2009

Reading the news causes pregnancy!

There seems to be something strange going on at the various news channels throughout the country.
A number of the regular presenters are getting pregnant. Already we’ve seen the demise of Cathy Newman from Channel 4 news as well as Kylie Morris from More 4.

You’ll no doubt know about Sian Williams from BBC’s Breakfast who bowed out last week to the pregnancy bug.

So I certainly won’t be surprised when I see someone from say BBC’s News 24 who looks seriously like they are awaiting a visit from the proverbial stork.

So what’s it all about?  Has some strange chemical invaded the water coolers of our local news agencies?

Is there some airborne super pregnancy bug around from which the newswomen of this country are succumbing too?

Or did they all receive a complimentary copy of  ‘Get pregnant NOW!’ in the post and decided to follow the advice to the letter?

Whatever the reason there’s going to some mini-newsreaders around very soon and their respective mums will be able to give a very professional update on their progress in hourly bulletins…

1:00am Fed baby.
2:00am Fed baby.
3:00am Slept soundly (so did the baby.)
4:00am Kicked father out of bed to feed baby.
4:30am Had to rescue father from extremely messy nappy changing situation.

Who’s next I wonder? Stay tuned!

Remember, you read the theory here first.

A not so special relationship

A Special Relationship: Anglo American Relations from the Cold War to Iraq

A Special Relationship: Anglo American Relations from the Cold War to Iraq

I saw the two secretaries of state for the U.K. and U.S.A do a joint press conference the other day.
David Miliband and Hillary Clinton representing their respective countries.

I have to admit I find it hard to take David Miliband very seriously. I mean he looks so young!
As I saw them both walk to their pedestals it did look a bit like a proud mum taking her son to college on his first day.

Which almost feels a little bit like the relationship we as a country have with America. Indulgent, slightly dismissive with a feeling that whatever you do you’ll only ever be mommy’s little boy.

This ‘special relationship’ has been talked about at length and a lot of people say that there is no special relationship at all. In fact the relationship is often considered one-sided. Many years ago a short sketch on ‘Spitting Image’ summed up a general feeling when it had a foamy Ronald Reagan kissing a foamy Margaret Thatcher goodbye and waving her off at the airport. As she departs he says something like, “Pity I’m only screwing the country.”

Recently the film ‘Love Actually’ portrayed the relationship between the Prime Minister (Hugh Grant) and the U.S. president (Billy Bob Thornton) in much the same way. But in this case Hugh told the president during a press conference basically where he can get off. He explained the relationship was supposed to be give and take, not an all take situation and in future Britain would be standing up for itself.

This all went down fantastically well in the movie with the British public (maybe it would if Gordon Brown said it in real life.) It leads me to think are we just the 51st. state or should we stop trying to be what it suits America for us to be and be independent?

When the new president was elected it was a hotly contested competition to see which countries leader and which foreign secretary would receive the first phone call from the new administration.
Britain won on both counts and I’m sure they were very pleased to do so. The British government would crawl over their respective grandmothers to be the recipients of the first phone call. Why this is important is not entirely clear. Is it supposed to give us some kind of advantage over our European allies? Does it make us feel that our relationship with the U.S. is on a different level? I don’t think so.

In times like this you have to admire the French. They don’t seem to give a toss what everyone else thinks and if they don’t like it then they’ll tell you and if there are consequences to that then so be it. Maybe we too shouldn’t be so scared.

Politicians would vehemently disagree but I always feel like we never make our own decisions. We just go along with whatever the U.S. decides. Like going to see a film with friends and then hating every bit of it because it wasn’t the one we really wanted to see but they were more forward about suggesting what THEY wanted.
(Hmm that’s a bad analogy. The consequences are far more serious than a wasted evening.)

It would be easier to take the consequences for our own actions if it was truly felt it was our actions we were taking responsibility for and not being puppet driven by a lord and master.

Let’s face it. You can only ride on someones coat-tails for so long before you eventually fall off.

Porn Bowl

American sports fans had a good reason not to wander off for more popcorn and stay glued instead to the TV during a commercial break for the recent Super Bowl.

(As we non-sports fans know commercials are the most cherished moments of a sporting event.  Ah! The bliss of getting back to gross commercialism.)

The match was between the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Arizona Cardinals (yep, I haven’t got a clue either.)
Three minutes before the end of the game there was a break for a ‘message from our sponsors‘.

But instead of your usual advertising content viewers were treated to a graphic sex act performed by none other than Jenna Jameson from her Club Jenna cable TV channel.

Apparently the two feeds had been mixed up and the 30 second clip was transmitted to the sports fans of Tuscon, Arizona.

As one viewer, Cora King noted, “I just thought it was another commercial until I looked up. Then he did his little dance with everything hanging out.”

(I hope they meant on the clip, not the footballers. If not British football may still have a lot to learn.)

Well I think there’s nothing wrong with relieving the tension of a big match with a bit of relief.

Appropriately one of the Arizona Cardinals nicknames is ‘Big Red’ which seems kind of apt to me.

Nice to know sports fans can get a break from watching balls bouncing in the air by … well … you know …

Oh, if your mad keen to know, the Pittsburgh Steelers won but I doubt whether they felt quite as much joy as the guy in the clip.

Snow, snow, quick, quick snow!

The Wrong Kind of Snow

The Wrong Kind of Snow

Well you’ll probably have heard by now that the UK (i.e. London and the South East) has had the worse snowfalls for eighteen years.

What’s a modern First World industrialised, techno-savvy society to do?
Well the answer is simple, stay home.

Yep, that’s the answer. Other countries have far worse weather conditions to deal with. They get them all the time and for longer periods and do you hear them bleating and carrying on?

Terrorist threats are nothing compared to the damage a special kind of water can do to this country.

You’ll probably hear a lot of reasons why we failed to keep good ol’ blighty running in the next few days (they have a whole list of them, pre-prepared. About the only thing that ever is.)

‘Only make the journey if it’s absolutely essential’, you’ll be told. Funny that, but most people are not in the habit of getting their cars out and randomly driving around in them.

We usually have a pretty good reason for venturing out, e.g. work, feeding yourself and family, picketing an oil refinery / power station etc.

What will really annoy a large chunk of the UK population will be the coverage this sort of event will get.

Scotland is well use to this sort of weather and complains about it very rarely but you only have to have one snowflake land on central London and that’s it. It all goes a bit biblical. Blanket news coverage to compete with the blanket of snow.

At least the poor TV reporters and camera crew don’t have far to trudge to get their stories and show off their North Face jackets.

The way they go on you’d think that Londoners will be eating the dead by nightfall.

Ah well. Us Brits like to talk about the weather a lot. We just don’t like to experience it.

p.s. Apparently all of London headed for the underground to sing blitz songs after the first snowfall but they found it shut …